Relationship Advice: Stop Bickering & Fight

At first the relationship seems perfect, but eventually the rose coloured glasses get lost and what appeared perfect, becomes frayed around the edges. Then one party or maybe both parties try to fix things by pointing out what the other is doing wrong and pretty soon the relationship becomes a war zone. Here are a few ideas to put a halt to the bickering and fighting.

# 1 Own your emotions; don't blame your partner for how you feel. Even if you don't always understand why you feel the way you do. How can you expect your partner to always choose the right actions and words to keep you feeling good about yourself? When you feel yourself starting to over-react to an action or conversation, ask yourself why this affecting you this way ? Once you understand the why, you can explain this to your partner but only after things have calmed down.

# 2 Walk in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you came home from work tired and the first thing you heard from your partner was complaints about this or that. Would you be upset if the other person came home two hours late for dinner without calling? It is important to understand that while our actions may make sense to us they can seem entirely different from another person's perspective. This can even be made into a game. When parties are starting to get angry they can switch places and continue the discussion.

# 3 Give up the illusion that an argument can have a winner. Nobody wins in an argument, but a discussion can have two winners. People learn when they discuss; they can only hurt each other if they argue. Often couples will dredge up the past when they are running low on ammunition. This is a pointless tactic. Discuss the problem at hand and leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

#4 Realise your limitations; you can only control yourself. While you may be the catalyst for change, you cannot change or in any way control another person or the circumstances you are in. Your only real power is the power to control your own actions and reactions.

#5 Timing is everything. Problems that arise in a relationship need to be handled but they don't always have to be dealt with immediately. If the lines of communication are kept open, then the right time to discuss problems or plans can be chosen. Never bring up a decision or complaint when emotions are running high.

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